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Waking up on November 1st is literally like walking through a door from Halloweentown to Christmastown

What’s this? What’s this? There’s décor everywhere. What’s this? There’s carols in the air. What’s this? I can’t believe my eyes it’s just November come on folks I mean I swear. What’s this?

I FREAKING READ IT IN JACKS VOICE 

I FUCKING SANG IT

Cool Tips for Writing a YA Novel

wryan:

  • DO make sure to use the following phrases when describing your main character: “porcelain skin,” “alabaster skin,” “snowy skin,” “jizz-white skin,” “orbular pools for eyes,” “cerulean pools of eye lights,” “pools of orbs”
  • DON’T give your main character a name like Katie, Ashley, Britney, Stephanie, Ginger, Holly, Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, or Thyme. You want your main character’s name to stick out, so if she is a girl name her Harry Potter, because people seem to like that.
  • DO include words like “torrid,” “tempestuous,” “gossamer,” “heliocentric,” “cantaloupe,” and “isometric tetrahedron” in your descriptions. Help your readers study for their SATs!
  • DON’T forget to give your main character a topical disease, like diphtheria.
  • DO make sure all of the following topics are covered in your story: cancer, authoritarianism, cancer, the conservation of Peruvian tree frogs, the magic goes away, the magic comes back (with a vengeance), cancer, listening to The Smiths on the roof of a beat-up car while you and your friend smoke cigarettes and watch the smoke curl upwards into the night sky, and cancer.
  • DON’T forget to give your book a title. A lot of really good books have titles!
  • DO have a list of actors ready for the movie adaptation. The only actor worth getting nowadays is Toby Jones. If he is not available, some waify doe-eyed It Girl who can enunciate with sincerity will do, I guess.
  • DON’T use question marks in your novel. You’re writing for teens, they already know all the answers.
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